well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
