they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
