Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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