That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
