i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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