The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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