..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
