he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's blow job season.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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