My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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