i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
