If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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