The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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