we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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