Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
