if i died would you start the facebook group?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
