hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
