I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
