Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
