TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The best revenge is premature balding
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
