well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
