And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
