I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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