Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't think brook has ever known best
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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