i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
