nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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