I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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