Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
