I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think my moral compass just broke
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