Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
