I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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