OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
