a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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