Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
