Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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