i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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