remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
