I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
