I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
