Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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