I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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