help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
