This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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