I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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