I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
