trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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