i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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