i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
