Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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