I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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