I cockslap morals
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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