i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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